This month has been one long lesson in adventurous living! I must preface this with: I have no idea what I'm doing. "The only thing you really need to know is that you really know nothing." - True!!! (These are words of wisdom from an unbelievably cool friend).
I've accepted a job. It's the last job I ever thought I'd have and the first job I'd ever choose at this exact time. They pursued me, they trust me, they want me to be at this school. I am blessed.
I put effort and time into building and fostering relationships - finally. I've lived in this city for almost a year now, and thinking I would soon be leaving I did not invest enough valuable time into others around me. Now, since I've made plans to stay, I am beginning to value my relationships and my surroundings - thank the Lord, it's about time. I was tired of feeling sad. Having strong bonds with the people and the things around you allow a person to grow deep roots, and that is what I want. I've always said that I want to have as many homes as possible, and then I will know that I have lived a full life. I am on the way to making this place one of them.
I went on a freaking date - scary, yes, successful, debatable, but the point is that I went. When is the last time that happened??
I found a roommate, and we found a townhome that we like, and will hopefully be able to make everything official tomorrow. You know, it is always difficult to know what might be the best thing to do, the best job to take, the best home to rent. Sometimes you just have to make choices. I could easily talk myself out of this one - the outside doesn't look nice enough, the neighborhood isn't wealthy, the area around it isn't super built up - but the truth is that I will have what I need. And for that, I am thankful.
Things are looking up, friends. Sometimes saying "Yes" is enough to turn anything around.
Sunday, June 15, 2014
Wednesday, May 28, 2014
Climbing Uphill
It's late. I mean late-late. But I promised myself I would do something good for at least 15-30 minutes, at least once a day. Of course I did that not knowing that I would be called into work tonight, and as we all realize before too many years on this planet, things don't always go exactly as planned. I intended to go for a run today, but instead, since it is late-late, I will write here. Writing is good for me. It is a release. Writing might be good for everyone - you should try it and let me know what you find out.
Things have been extraordinarily hard lately. I want to tell the truth. Maya Angelou talks about no greater than pain than a story locked inside - I want to tell my story. Things are hard. Graduating from college means big changes, or seems to mean big changes, but sometimes our plans are met by a heavy hand, and the change that we expected is not the change that we received. Additionally, I feel such a longing for those places I call Home - the many wooden bunks of RF, and the shoe-filled mattresses of UGA. Take me home. Please, God, take me home.
I am missing my families, I am missing my sanity, I am missing my sanctuary, and I am missing my God. I need a resurrection.
I am looking for guidance. I am looking for strength. And I am looking to the wind - but this will not satisfy. The human heart can only truly be satisfied by the One who knows it best, the One who made it. So what is the problem, and what is taking me so long?
I am tired. I feel short on time. I am working 75 hours this week, which adds up to roughly half of the hours that actually exist in a week at all. And I don't know why. To what gain? Am I doing the right things? Am I in the right places? Where do I belong?
My soul needs mountains to grow - but where do I go?
Thoughts on a muggy Monday night.
(It is not Monday, but it might as well be.)
Tomorrow after school, I will sleep. Praise the Lord for that.
Friday will be extraordinarily difficult, as the team leaves for Uganda without me. Still two weeks left of school. Why? I want to go home. I want to attend Sam's wedding. I am HUNGRY.
Avoid this with all of your heart - may you be ever fed.
- Ever-faithful in the fight.
Things have been extraordinarily hard lately. I want to tell the truth. Maya Angelou talks about no greater than pain than a story locked inside - I want to tell my story. Things are hard. Graduating from college means big changes, or seems to mean big changes, but sometimes our plans are met by a heavy hand, and the change that we expected is not the change that we received. Additionally, I feel such a longing for those places I call Home - the many wooden bunks of RF, and the shoe-filled mattresses of UGA. Take me home. Please, God, take me home.
I am missing my families, I am missing my sanity, I am missing my sanctuary, and I am missing my God. I need a resurrection.
I am looking for guidance. I am looking for strength. And I am looking to the wind - but this will not satisfy. The human heart can only truly be satisfied by the One who knows it best, the One who made it. So what is the problem, and what is taking me so long?
I am tired. I feel short on time. I am working 75 hours this week, which adds up to roughly half of the hours that actually exist in a week at all. And I don't know why. To what gain? Am I doing the right things? Am I in the right places? Where do I belong?
My soul needs mountains to grow - but where do I go?
Thoughts on a muggy Monday night.
(It is not Monday, but it might as well be.)
Tomorrow after school, I will sleep. Praise the Lord for that.
Friday will be extraordinarily difficult, as the team leaves for Uganda without me. Still two weeks left of school. Why? I want to go home. I want to attend Sam's wedding. I am HUNGRY.
Avoid this with all of your heart - may you be ever fed.
- Ever-faithful in the fight.
Saturday, March 1, 2014
A Wrinkle In Time
Yesterday was a very long day. Let me post some updates first:
I started subbing on Wednesday! So far so good, although the Speech class is a bit challenging, just in terms of the number of students, the fact that it is right after lunch, and right before dismissal. Plus the fact that they haven't really done anything so far this semester, and now I am here to make them actually treat the class like it is a real thing. The two sections of Honors English III are so different from one another, but both good. As always, I am ever-thankful.
I did not teach yesterday, because I had already been scheduled to work at my other job, at Dick's Sporting Goods, before I got the invitation to the substitute teaching orientation. I was able to change my schedule beginning on the 1st of March, but I didn't want to call out of work for the whole day, so I just told the school that I was unavailable, and they said that it would be okay.
So, back to yesterday, I worked at DSG, in the apparel department, for seven hours. A seven hour shift is not that bad, but I realized that I like working Front End a lot more than I liked Apparel. Even though I was able to take on little projects like organizing a display of Underarmour T-shirts, or creating the headband display, I spent a good amount of time wandering around the store trying to figure out where the returned items or dressing room left-behinds belonged. After seven hours of this, preceded by two days of waking up at 5:25am and working/rehearsing straight through until 9:30pm, I was exhausted! But, after I got off work at 5pm, I only had a bit of time before rehearsal began at 7pm. I took myself to Panera for dinner and treated myself to a Chai Tea, thinking it might wake me up - it didn't - and then made my way toward RLT for rehearsal.
When I was almost to the theatre, I saw something that really turned my heart upside-down. I imagine this happens to everyone, but of course I am only me, so it is hard to tell, but this is the second time recently that something has really just sunk deep in my heart like that. On the side street, perpendicular to the street on which I was driving, I saw a group of people seemingly walking home, followed by one person in a power wheelchair, carrying a bag of groceries. I imagined that this person had driven from their home to Harris Teeter (which was very near by), done their grocery shopping, and was on their way home with their packages. Or, perhaps, that this person was trying to catch up to the friends in front, who had all gone to the store together.
In this moment, I felt joy - and sorrow - I wanted to laugh just as much as I wanted to cry. First, I think part of this comes from the fact that I miss being able to walk everywhere in my little mountain town. And I love when people do walk places, or in this case, ride. I was also so proud of this person who I can only assume has limited mobility, and yet seems to have taken full advantage of life and the world around him, and has not let limitations be limitations. I just imagine how strong this person must be - there are so many people who seem to have "everything" and yet spend their days at home. I don't mean to say that this person was at any kind of a disadvantage, but only to say that there was something about the spirit of this man that really moved deeply in me. Even from across the street. And I thought, this is the kind of person I want to befriend.
This happened a few weeks ago, too, as I mentioned earlier. I was working as a cashier, and had a customer come to my register who was purchasing a new pair of shoes, socks, and insoles. This was an older man, but not too old - maybe in his fifties? He put the shoe box on the counter, along with just the packaging for the socks and insoles. I opened the box to make sure the shoes were the same size and matched the box, and inside I saw an old, faded, and worn pair of tennis shoes. He smiled in a proud and subtle way, and said that he was already wearing the shoes. I said "and I'm guessing that's where the missing socks and insoles are, too?" and he smiled back. After I finished the transaction, the man left, with his old shoes in hand, seeming just as happy as could be in his new shoes, as though an aura of peace was just glowing around him, and walking with just a bit more lightness in his step, almost a small bounce, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. For whatever reason, I have not been able to stop thinking about this since, nor have I been able to let go of the image in my mind, of his smile and of the feeling that I got when he told me that the shoes were on his feet. I want to know more. And more, and more. I am hungry.
There are certain moments, certain people, certain events, that seem to put a small fold in the pages of my life. Things that cannot be erased, cannot be undone. Does this happen to you?
I started subbing on Wednesday! So far so good, although the Speech class is a bit challenging, just in terms of the number of students, the fact that it is right after lunch, and right before dismissal. Plus the fact that they haven't really done anything so far this semester, and now I am here to make them actually treat the class like it is a real thing. The two sections of Honors English III are so different from one another, but both good. As always, I am ever-thankful.
I did not teach yesterday, because I had already been scheduled to work at my other job, at Dick's Sporting Goods, before I got the invitation to the substitute teaching orientation. I was able to change my schedule beginning on the 1st of March, but I didn't want to call out of work for the whole day, so I just told the school that I was unavailable, and they said that it would be okay.
So, back to yesterday, I worked at DSG, in the apparel department, for seven hours. A seven hour shift is not that bad, but I realized that I like working Front End a lot more than I liked Apparel. Even though I was able to take on little projects like organizing a display of Underarmour T-shirts, or creating the headband display, I spent a good amount of time wandering around the store trying to figure out where the returned items or dressing room left-behinds belonged. After seven hours of this, preceded by two days of waking up at 5:25am and working/rehearsing straight through until 9:30pm, I was exhausted! But, after I got off work at 5pm, I only had a bit of time before rehearsal began at 7pm. I took myself to Panera for dinner and treated myself to a Chai Tea, thinking it might wake me up - it didn't - and then made my way toward RLT for rehearsal.
When I was almost to the theatre, I saw something that really turned my heart upside-down. I imagine this happens to everyone, but of course I am only me, so it is hard to tell, but this is the second time recently that something has really just sunk deep in my heart like that. On the side street, perpendicular to the street on which I was driving, I saw a group of people seemingly walking home, followed by one person in a power wheelchair, carrying a bag of groceries. I imagined that this person had driven from their home to Harris Teeter (which was very near by), done their grocery shopping, and was on their way home with their packages. Or, perhaps, that this person was trying to catch up to the friends in front, who had all gone to the store together.
In this moment, I felt joy - and sorrow - I wanted to laugh just as much as I wanted to cry. First, I think part of this comes from the fact that I miss being able to walk everywhere in my little mountain town. And I love when people do walk places, or in this case, ride. I was also so proud of this person who I can only assume has limited mobility, and yet seems to have taken full advantage of life and the world around him, and has not let limitations be limitations. I just imagine how strong this person must be - there are so many people who seem to have "everything" and yet spend their days at home. I don't mean to say that this person was at any kind of a disadvantage, but only to say that there was something about the spirit of this man that really moved deeply in me. Even from across the street. And I thought, this is the kind of person I want to befriend.
This happened a few weeks ago, too, as I mentioned earlier. I was working as a cashier, and had a customer come to my register who was purchasing a new pair of shoes, socks, and insoles. This was an older man, but not too old - maybe in his fifties? He put the shoe box on the counter, along with just the packaging for the socks and insoles. I opened the box to make sure the shoes were the same size and matched the box, and inside I saw an old, faded, and worn pair of tennis shoes. He smiled in a proud and subtle way, and said that he was already wearing the shoes. I said "and I'm guessing that's where the missing socks and insoles are, too?" and he smiled back. After I finished the transaction, the man left, with his old shoes in hand, seeming just as happy as could be in his new shoes, as though an aura of peace was just glowing around him, and walking with just a bit more lightness in his step, almost a small bounce, like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders. For whatever reason, I have not been able to stop thinking about this since, nor have I been able to let go of the image in my mind, of his smile and of the feeling that I got when he told me that the shoes were on his feet. I want to know more. And more, and more. I am hungry.
There are certain moments, certain people, certain events, that seem to put a small fold in the pages of my life. Things that cannot be erased, cannot be undone. Does this happen to you?
“Love the world and yourself in it, move through it as though it offers no resistance, as though the world is your natural element.”
Monday, February 24, 2014
Magic in the Making
Little did I know when I made my New Years Resolution how wonderfully and tragically prophetic it would be.
Thus far in 2014, I have said goodbye to friends and family on the east coast and packed my bags to move to San Diego, California - then, within 12 hours subsequently unpacked my bags and said "hello, again" to those same friends. I have applied and interviewed for several jobs, been offered a few, turned down some, got one job (without understanding that I had the job), been told I could start, and that I could start, and that I could start (and still couldn't start), found out my paperwork was lost, started another part-time job, auditioned, was cast, and began rehearsing for a play, found out my paperwork was found, attended a new substitute teacher orientation, showed up for my first day of subbing, and was told to go back home. I have made friends, lost friends, remembered friends, enjoyed spending time with family, been driven crazy by spending a LOT of time with family, and been thankful in each and every moment. If I had any idea what was going to come next, I would surely tell you - and if you have any idea what is going to come next, I surely hope that you would tell me.
This seems to be a season of patience. Or, perhaps, impatience at times.... often, maybe. But it is also a season of growth - the kind of growth that happens underground, before you see the seed turn into a sprout, turn into a flower. I am the seed in the fertile soil, buzzing and pulsing with energy and light, preparing for the emergence into the big, bright world that lies ahead. And, I have a feeling, it is going to take a big push to get me to begin. But right now, all focus lies on the Magic in the Making.
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
[Isaiah 40:28]
This seems to be a season of patience. Or, perhaps, impatience at times.... often, maybe. But it is also a season of growth - the kind of growth that happens underground, before you see the seed turn into a sprout, turn into a flower. I am the seed in the fertile soil, buzzing and pulsing with energy and light, preparing for the emergence into the big, bright world that lies ahead. And, I have a feeling, it is going to take a big push to get me to begin. But right now, all focus lies on the Magic in the Making.
Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.
[Isaiah 40:28]
Saturday, February 15, 2014
Ramblings for a Snowy Saturday
As far as the substitute teaching is concerned, things did not go as planned. My paperwork was temporarily misplaced, although I assume it has been found now, because I have finally been invited to the new sub orientation, which was scheduled for a snow day, and therefore cancelled. Sometime on Monday or Tuesday, I suppose, I will be getting an email about when the rescheduled orientation will take place. However, in order to complete the paperwork for the orientation, I have to find a doctor to sign off on a health examination form, which will likely take more than one day to arrange.
Now, the trouble here is the fact that I have also started a new part-time job working as a cashier. Glamorous? Maybe not. But I like it so far. I put in my schedule assuming I would not be subbing, so for the next few weeks I have already made commitments to that job - yesterday I put in a new schedule for March assuming that I WILL be subbing (but who knows if that will really even come through?!) It is a bit frustrating at times, because I am doing my best to juggle several things at once, without really knowing all the information about some of those things - namely, the substitute teaching. But I am just hoping that the timing will work out alright, and the overlap between the subbing, second job, and the show I'm working on will be minimized : ) That being said, March is going to be a challenging month.
The other thing that I wanted to talk about in this post was - you guessed it - Valentine's Day. I have a little bone to pick with the universe about this day. Okay, first of all, this is NOT female appreciation day. Like, have you seen any men receiving flowers and cards and chocolates and things? I haven't! But WHY? This really irritates me. First of all, no, I didn't do anything for Valentine's Day yesterday, except receive my diploma and a really lovely unexpected letter. But I thought about it! And if I was gonna go see a man, I sure as heck wasn't gonna show up empty handed. Show people you love them - however you do it best, do it. Don't expect to receive. I also saw this quote about how the quality of your life is not measured by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others...?! Well, my friend, that is not in your control, and I beg to disagree. Love - as much, as often, and as generously as you can. Even more, when you think you can't. (Loving yourself counts, too!) I'll say it again, and again:
Do everything in Love.
Now, the trouble here is the fact that I have also started a new part-time job working as a cashier. Glamorous? Maybe not. But I like it so far. I put in my schedule assuming I would not be subbing, so for the next few weeks I have already made commitments to that job - yesterday I put in a new schedule for March assuming that I WILL be subbing (but who knows if that will really even come through?!) It is a bit frustrating at times, because I am doing my best to juggle several things at once, without really knowing all the information about some of those things - namely, the substitute teaching. But I am just hoping that the timing will work out alright, and the overlap between the subbing, second job, and the show I'm working on will be minimized : ) That being said, March is going to be a challenging month.
The other thing that I wanted to talk about in this post was - you guessed it - Valentine's Day. I have a little bone to pick with the universe about this day. Okay, first of all, this is NOT female appreciation day. Like, have you seen any men receiving flowers and cards and chocolates and things? I haven't! But WHY? This really irritates me. First of all, no, I didn't do anything for Valentine's Day yesterday, except receive my diploma and a really lovely unexpected letter. But I thought about it! And if I was gonna go see a man, I sure as heck wasn't gonna show up empty handed. Show people you love them - however you do it best, do it. Don't expect to receive. I also saw this quote about how the quality of your life is not measured by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others...?! Well, my friend, that is not in your control, and I beg to disagree. Love - as much, as often, and as generously as you can. Even more, when you think you can't. (Loving yourself counts, too!) I'll say it again, and again:
Do everything in Love.
Monday, February 3, 2014
Please, please, do everything in love.
Friends, something is happening in this world. People think it's not right for a girl to cut off all her hair, and attack a boy for watching My Little Pony. We keep things for ourselves, and deprive the needy of their most basic human rights. We make ourselves busy busy busy to distract our minds from the brokenness that is going on all around us. We whine about everyone getting married and having kids, and yet we struggle to even love on the least of these. What kind of world are we living in?
We live in a broken world. We live in a broken world. We live in a broken world - OF COURSE we live in a broken world, but what are YOU going to DO about it? We are broken people, redeemed by Grace that we don't deserve - USE IT. Just love on someone today. If you do anything, just do it in love - do everything in love.
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." - 2 Cor 4:18
Thank goodness.
We live in a broken world. We live in a broken world. We live in a broken world - OF COURSE we live in a broken world, but what are YOU going to DO about it? We are broken people, redeemed by Grace that we don't deserve - USE IT. Just love on someone today. If you do anything, just do it in love - do everything in love.
"So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal." - 2 Cor 4:18
Thank goodness.
Friday, January 31, 2014
From Student Teacher to Substitute Teacher - - ?
Hello, all.
These past few weeks since I found out I would not be going to California have been interesting, to say the least. I auditioned for a play, was cast, and began rehearsing. For this I am extremely thankful, although admittedly, equally overwhelmed. I have interviewed for several jobs and applied for what seems like a thousand. I was denied a long-term substitute teaching job at a middle school, and I was offered two jobs at an after school program. But what I intend to tell you in this post is that, if all goes as planned, I will soon be taking on the responsibility of teaching high school honors English III. You may be thinking to yourself, "WHAT?" and rest assured, I am having the same thoughts. I don't know how to teach English - do I? Probably not. But can I figure it out? Let's hope so.
So, how did this come to be? By the kindness of strangers, mostly. And who am I to deny such generosity and trust instilled in my ability to hold precious futures in the palm of my hands? Truly, I am terrified. Petrified, almost. Yes - I do mean petrified, almost to the point of losing the ability to move. I do not know what I want; I do not know what to do; I do not know if I am capable - but in the wise words of a gentle leader, "Let God be Your God." Who am I to think that this is all in my hands? Of course I am incapable of changing anything on my own. Of course I don't know how to teach English - I didn't study it. Of course I have no idea what I'm doing. And of course, given the opportunity, I will do it anyway. Because my hands are in the hands of the One who created it all.
At times like this, when my spirit is frayed with anxiety and fear, I must remember the Great Truth.
Be still, Laura, and know that I am God.
These past few weeks since I found out I would not be going to California have been interesting, to say the least. I auditioned for a play, was cast, and began rehearsing. For this I am extremely thankful, although admittedly, equally overwhelmed. I have interviewed for several jobs and applied for what seems like a thousand. I was denied a long-term substitute teaching job at a middle school, and I was offered two jobs at an after school program. But what I intend to tell you in this post is that, if all goes as planned, I will soon be taking on the responsibility of teaching high school honors English III. You may be thinking to yourself, "WHAT?" and rest assured, I am having the same thoughts. I don't know how to teach English - do I? Probably not. But can I figure it out? Let's hope so.
So, how did this come to be? By the kindness of strangers, mostly. And who am I to deny such generosity and trust instilled in my ability to hold precious futures in the palm of my hands? Truly, I am terrified. Petrified, almost. Yes - I do mean petrified, almost to the point of losing the ability to move. I do not know what I want; I do not know what to do; I do not know if I am capable - but in the wise words of a gentle leader, "Let God be Your God." Who am I to think that this is all in my hands? Of course I am incapable of changing anything on my own. Of course I don't know how to teach English - I didn't study it. Of course I have no idea what I'm doing. And of course, given the opportunity, I will do it anyway. Because my hands are in the hands of the One who created it all.
At times like this, when my spirit is frayed with anxiety and fear, I must remember the Great Truth.
Be still, Laura, and know that I am God.
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