The Story of Stuff

So as spring turns to summer, and summer to fall, I slowly surrender the meaning-full bliss of student teaching to the world of a memory, and take on my new hat of Invisible Children, with as much courage and surefootedness as I can muster - all the while tinged with a bit of sadness for the days gone by.

Today as I was in my room, drinking coffee [thinking that it would calm my nerves in the same way that tea is said to] I suddenly remembered a perfectly overwhelming and yet somehow serene moment. Eight months ago, I was sitting on the doorstep of my apartment in the mountains, eating a box of popsicles in the summer sunshine, because I couldn't take another moment of trying to pack two years of my life into a tiny car, and because I didn't know what else to do. Inside the apartment, to my back, was a living room full of various things, collected from various places at various times, things that up until this point had made up a large part of my existence. Blankets, clothes, kitchen appliances, posters, photos. And in front of me, nothing but the cool breeze and the sight of a mountain, so much larger than life. And little did I know, in that very moment, that everything truly would be alright. For now. And yet, in so many ways, it wasn't. For a while.

Life is cyclical, in the most magical of ways. We receive a message from the world [from this world, mind you, and yet there are so many more] and all too often, we believe it. Maybe it's true. Maybe it's not. Is it good for you? I don't know.

All this to say that today, as I woke up immediately in a panic and proceeded to find little ways to distract my mind and attempt to put a band-aid on my spirit, I remembered feeling the same way, so many moments ago - somewhere in a foreign world that is somehow out of reach. For now. And yet - there it was - alive and real, for a fleeting beating of the heart.

Life is also beautiful, in the most tragic and terrible of ways. You know how people sometimes say things like "I miss you terribly"? Isn't it terrible to miss someone? Absolutely terrible, and in the same moment, completely and purely beautiful. The same with life, I think. Sometimes beauty makes me cry. Things that are terrible, things that are beautiful, they move deeply in the spirit.

All this to say that a lot of things are really terrifying, and then they are okay, because they keep moving. Things happen time and again, and we grow (we hope) and we change (we think) and we move (we do).

New Year's Resolution: Be Patient, Ophelia. Do not forget.

Whether you turn to the right or to the left, your ears will hear a voice behind you, saying, “This is the way; walk in it.” [Isaiah 30:21]

If you're unhappy, pray. Even if you're happy.

The Transition

Perhaps I should change the title of this blog to "Lessons from a Student/Teacher". Because I am constantly a student of one thing or another... the teacher part is questionable (at least until I get my certificate in the mail!) 

Anyway, let's talk about the great things that happened over this past semester:

1. Placement that allowed me to live at home
2. Amazing students
3. Number 2 really sums up a lot of things
4. Life-change
5. Not the summer anymore
6. Passed all 3 of my Praxis exams (received double certification in Theatre K-12 and English 7-12)
7. Graduated (actually passed)
8. Had a really cool university supervisor
9. Lived surrounded by a lot of love
10. Had a month of vacation.

And now, you may ask, now what? What comes next? Well here I am to tell you just that - on Saturday (THIS SATURDAY) I will be flying out to San Diego, California to begin an internship with Invisible Children. And I am terrified. But I'm not going to talk about the things that scare me (because doesn't that suggest a lack of trust?) Instead I am going to talk about the important things:

1. I am trying something new
2. I will explore a new city
3. I will meet new people
4. I will take a risk
5. I will learn to live away from home
6. I will work primarily with adults (this is new)
7. I will prepare for future risky and potentially terrifying adventures
8. I will learn to live with less
9. I will travel
10. I will not be alone.

Big things are happening. I would very much appreciate prayers and good thoughts sent this way as I prepare for this journey. I can't say much more right now, because the truth is that there is a lot of uncertainty surrounding this next step, and I want to stay open to all possibilities of what is to come. Anticipation is a scary thing.

4 months. Here we go.

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." [Jeremiah 29:11]

Sweet Souls

It is really incredible to realize how much I can actually miss my sweet angels. They did more for me than they will ever know. My students saved me. I will say it again and again.

This may be a blurry photo, but it nearly captures the way that graduation feels.

Closing Night

It seems surreal that this entire semester has come to a close. And not only that, but my entire college career - my life up to this point, it has all led up to this day, and what is past is past. Isn't that bizarre?

I'd like to call this Closing Night. Every show must begin, and every show must come to an end, because what is forever is not what is treasured. Rather, those things that are but fleeting - those are what make us who we are. These moments that impact our lives in an earth-shifting sort of way, that change the shape of our eyes, change the movement of the air through our lungs, those are the moments that matter.

And we, indeed, are the lucky ones.

I have a hard time finding the words to say to summarize this experience. Today was a beautiful day. From the first tear-filled "hello" to the last tear-filled "good-bye," I will never run short on my list of "Reasons To Be Thankful."

I've been thinking for a while about what to leave you with in this blog - I began to type some quotes from the letters I received, but ended up feeling that they were too personal, too sweet, too close to home. The things these sweet hearts said, that the took the time to think through and write down, and ultimately to give - to me - it just fills and breaks my heart. We must remember that everyone has a story - their own story, a unique story, filled with heartbreak and joy, with struggles and victories. And every story - every story - is a love story. And if it's not, then it's just not yet. My story - our stories - this story - is most certainly a love story, and I never knew I could love so much. I never knew time could pass so quickly.

And so, where to go from here?

Every story is a love story.
Measure your life in love.

Today was a great day.

In the words of my bearded friend, "This is your day for astronomical odd-beating."

Let me tell you more.

This morning my co-op teacher was late. Well, while I was waiting in the auditorium, the power went out. In the whole school. And everyone went crazy - in a really fun way! So my morning started with a whole lotta playing and a whole lotta joy.

The power stayed out through first period, when I was being observed by my university supervisor (ha!) so we moved into the courtyard, where the students took a quiz and performed the first round of monologues - and I was very happy with the way they turned out! 6/29 down!

We were told to stay in first period until further notice, due to the electricity issue, but the lights came back on toward the end of first period. After that, I had my conference with my supervisor, received the last document I need to submit all of my work for the semester, and then before he left, he offered to help me get in contact with a friend who lives in my future city (to be disclosed at a later date! Stay tuned!) So this is encouraging!

In technical theatre class, I learned about a program called Show Ready, which allows you to play the accompaniment track for all of the music from a show, and you can even select which layers you want to hear - so, for example, you could play just your melody line, practice, then your melody with the piano, then add the alto line, etc. You could also play all of the parts except for your own (even if you are in the chorus!!) and practice your notes - this is everything that I have needed for all of my life!!!! I am so thrilled!!!!

In tech, I also started playing this silly game with one of my students - you have to make eye contact with someone, count to three, and spontaneously say the same word at the same time. I have played this game for a while, and obviously the chances of saying the same word with no prior information are extremely slim. And when I say extremely, I mean astronomically.

In Theatre II, we were missing two students, so I got to join in one of the Shakespeare sword fighting insult scenes, which was awesome!! And the power went off again. And everyone went crazy, and started shouting and running around, and spooning on the floor (what?) It was hilarious.

THEN

RIGHT AT THE END OF THE DAY

I tried to play the 1-2-3 game with the same student from tech, and we decided to narrow down the options by category so that we could possibly train ourselves to have the same brain. Well, it still didn't work - 

UNTIL!

Another student came up to ask what we were doing. I said "On the count of three, say the same word as me. 1-2-3-SALTINE!"

WE BOTH SAID SALTINE. This has never happened - IN. MY. LIFE.

Addendum: Earlier, this same student and I made the same joke at the same time, and discovered we both love Fig Newtons!

This was a magical day. The odds - ASTRONOMICAL - and yet, it gets better.

On the way home, I decided to stop at the store to pick up a few things, so I moved to the right lane on the highway, where I passed a car that was pulled over on the side - I know, you are supposed to leave a lane between your car and the edge when that happens, but I had to exit. But then, I passed not one, not two, not three, but FOUR MORE CARS ON THE SIDE. All unrelated, all within the 2 1/4 miles between when I moved into the right lane and when I exited the highway! WHAT!

Then, I decided that naturally, I had to buy a lottery ticket. Unfortunately, I did not realize that tonight is the drawing, so I bought a scratch off ticket with my last two dollars - I did not know at the time that the actual lottery ticket costs $2, or I would have bought that, and I think I would have won. However, under astronomically unlikely circumstances, I missed this information, bought a scratch off ticket, and LOST! On my lucky day! What are the odds!

Then, thinking it couldn't get any more unlikely, I got home to find that a Christmas card I sent out had been chewed up in the mail and returned! How often does that happen? So I wrote a note about it, put it in a new envelope, and resent it. About that time, my mother returned home and said "I have something for you"....

AND IT WAS THIS DOUGHNUT. From Krispy Kreme, of all places!

THIS WAS A GREAT DAY OF ASTRONOMICALLY ODD-DEFYING EVENTS.
I am in awe.
And delighted.
And still just mind-blown about the saltines.

Idleness is my enemy

Praxis Updates: So far I'm 2 for 2 - passed the PLT 7-12 exam!! The last test is a week from Thursday. Here we goooo!

Additionally, it has come to my attention that I only have six days remaining in the classroom, and I am both confused and horrified at this realization. I am also unsure of how to approach this situation. We are transitioning back to my co-op teacher leading all lessons, and that's really weird, because I just sit back and watch (or participate, more often), but the transition seemed to happen really fast for me, and I wonder if it happened so fast for the students? But I guess it is better than suddenly leaving next week with no further explanation... although I might actually like that better, because I can stay busy right up until the end, the way I like to be. I think idleness is my enemy. (Hence the title of this post - I just made that discovery, right now, as I was writing this. That's pretty amazing.)

So my mind has been rather scattered in recent days, as I think you can see. My emotions are registering high on the Richter scale, and I'm not sure how to cope. Except to keep on living, and laughing, and loving.

I think it is really important to surround yourself with your blessings - do not allow yourself to forget the ways you are warm. And measure your life in love. Always, always, measure in love. In that way, I am very rich.

It is nearly unbelievable to think of how quickly this semester flew by. It feels like just yesterday, or at least last week, that I was jump starting my car on the first teacher workday, back on August 19th. Can you imagine! And to think of how much has happened between then and now...?

It seems that I have nothing cohesive to say, except for this:

I am blessed. Incredibly.

How can you sleep at a time like this unless the dreamer is the real you?

"The LORD will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O LORD, endures forever.
Do not forsake the work of your hands."